Week 7: Steadfast

[kimschlotwrites]

 

I lost everything because of him.  Family, friends, even jobs. I lost my happiness, and quite honestly, I lost my will to live because of him.

It started when I was 19.  A lot of people rolled their eyes, thinking I was still just a kid and didn’t know what I was getting myself into to.  I didn’t pay them any mind. I was an adult. Old enough to vote, serve in the military, smoke, and buy a lottery ticket.

My loved ones told me  that he changed me, that I was a different person when I was with him.  A person they didn’t like. But again, I didn’t listen. I didn’t care. I was loyal to him.

There were a few times when I thought he was going to kill me.  I’d tell everyone that we were done. But, I think we all knew that I couldn’t stay away.  He had this hold on me. He was there when I wanted him or needed him. He was reliable like that.

Sometimes I think back to that time, and ask myself, Who abused who?  Was it a chicken and an egg thing? Was I bad because of him? Or was he bad because of me?

Thankfully, I was able to rid myself of him.  He’s out of my life completely. It’s been two years.  Exactly two years. I’m not going to lie, it hasn’t been an easy two years.  There were so many times when I wanted to crawl back to him. I told myself that one night wouldn’t mean anything.  Then I remembered the other relationships that I was trying to mend, and I would do something else to keep my mind occupied.

So, here I am.  Two years sober.  Thank you all for supporting me.  I said it before, I’ll say it again.  I’m Heather, and I’m an alcoholic.

Comments

[static_abyss]

Congratulations on what you've accomplished and all the work you've put it. I wish you much luck and strength to continue.

[murielle]

Two years is a lifetime! Congratulations!

This is skillfully and so very well written. Brava!

[kimschlotwrites]

Oh no! I didn’t mean to mislead you. This is fiction. I’m sorry. I’m going to have to add a note.

[kimschlotwrites]

Thank you! But you should know this is fiction. I don’t want to mislead you!

[fausts_dream]

I was thinking non-fiction too. As a guy with intermitant substance abuse issues, I like thinking of addiction as a person....and an asshole at that. Well done

[murielle]

Thank you for telling me. I've been called gullible in the past. Guess I still am. Hey wait! This is a testament to how well you wrote it! :-)

[the_eternal_overthinker]

I like the format here. The way it's written I almost regarded it as a personal relationship gone wrong...which when I reached the end and re-read it..it still made sense :) Well crafted! Good Job!

[bleodswean]

Steadfast is the perfect word for this piece of writing. Your honesty and struggle shine through. Congratulations.

[bsgsix]

This is spot-on, and as a former addict of many things... it is like a person. Breaking free is definitely like leaving a toxic relationship - there's no difference. Getting out is survival.

Very well written, and very relatable for many of us (or at least to me, but I have a sense I am FAR from alone here).

[halfshellvenus]

Two years! Congratulations!

I wondered as I read this if this was going to be a person or an addiction, and you kept that ambiguity going until the end. Nicely done!

[wolfden]

This is well written I like the imagery of addiction as a person.

[alycewilson]

Congratulations on two years! It's hard for people not in an abusive relationships to understand the factors that make you stay, but I understand and am proud of you for breaking free.

[sonreir]

Oh, wow, this took a turn that I wasn't expecting! Quite enjoyable. Congratulations on your sobriety!

[rayaso]

I didn't realize this was fiction until I read the other comments -- clearly kudos for the way you handled this, as well as not revealing that it was alcohol, as opposed to an abusive boyfriend. This was very well done!

[dmousey]

Congratulations! Quite an accomplishment. ✌😊🐁🐭

[bellatrixe]

This is extremely well written and I too thought it was non-fiction at first because of how believable it is! It's also a really powerful piece and you did a great job of articulating the emotions in situations like this.

[kimschlotwrites]

Thank you!

Addiction is definitely an asshole. I’m quite lucky that I haven’t been in that relationship, but most of my family has.

[kimschlotwrites]

Thank you!

[kimschlotwrites]

Thank you. But this is fiction. I need to get on a computer or tablet to add that! I’m not able to edit on my phone.

[kimschlotwrites]

Thank you!

[kimschlotwrites]

Thank you! But I do need to let you know this is fiction. Dreamwidth hasn’t been cooperative when I’vd tried to edit my entry to add that on my phone.

[kimschlotwrites]

Thank you!

[kimschlotwrites]

I’m so sorry, I don’t want to mislead you, but this is fiction.

[kimschlotwrites]

Thank you! But I should tell you, this is fiction.

[kimschlotwrites]

Thank you!

[kimschlotwrites]

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to mislead you. This is fiction.

[kimschlotwrites]

Thank you!

[sonreir]

Well, hot damn! Congratulations on writing something that realistic! :)

[dmousey]

😆😆😆✌✌🐭 It's proof how well written this entry is!

[halfshellvenus]

Ah-- well, you told it convincingly enough that it could as easily have been non-fiction. Or as I like to say, "It's somebody's truth, even if not yours."

[flipflop_diva]

I thought this was real, too, until I read the comments! So congrats on making it seem so real. I loved the twist at the end — it was a gut punch in the best way.

[kehlen.livejournal.com]

This is a very good metaphor.