kimschlotwrites

First, I made her lose interest in things she once enjoyed. She stopped writing. She no longer saw a blank page as an opportunity; now it was an obstacle.

Next, I sapped her motivation. She used to have the motto, “There’s no reason not to,” when it came to going to the gym. Not anymore. I gave her plenty of reasons—excuses—not to go. You had a long day at work; go home and relax. Or It’s raining. You don’t want to work out in the rain. Oh, and my favorite excuse to feed her, If you’re worried about reaching your step goal, you can just pace the house.

Getting her to isolate from family and friends has been a little harder than I expected. She knows what it’s like to be lonely, and she’s trying her best not to feel that way. But, I’ve been in her head. I’ve been telling her that her friends are too busy for her. That they have better things to do than spend time with her.

I’ve caused her anxiety that has her worried about the strangest things, things that have no impact on her life. I’ve caused her to sleep too much or sleep too little. I’ve caused her to overeat. (That’s a great one. She gets fat, her self esteem goes down, and I feel even more secure in my position.)

She has been seeing someone to talk about me. But she never delves too deep. That’s because of me, too. I’ve conditioned her to hold back. Don’t reveal too much to anyone. Suffer in silence.

I will be with her forever. I think a small part of her knows that, accepts that. She can’t beat me. I do not give up.