kimschlotwrites | Week 1: It's hard to beat a person that never gives up.

First, I made her lose interest in things she once enjoyed. She stopped writing. She no longer saw a blank page as an opportunity; now it was an obstacle.

Next, I sapped her motivation. She used to have the motto, “There’s no reason not to,” when it came to going to the gym. Not anymore. I gave her plenty of reasons—excuses—not to go. You had a long day at work; go home and relax. Or It’s raining. You don’t want to work out in the rain. Oh, and my favorite excuse to feed her, If you’re worried about reaching your step goal, you can just pace the house.

Getting her to isolate from family and friends has been a little harder than I expected. She knows what it’s like to be lonely, and she’s trying her best not to feel that way. But, I’ve been in her head. I’ve been telling her that her friends are too busy for her. That they have better things to do than spend time with her.

I’ve caused her anxiety that has her worried about the strangest things, things that have no impact on her life. I’ve caused her to sleep too much or sleep too little. I’ve caused her to overeat. (That’s a great one. She gets fat, her self esteem goes down, and I feel even more secure in my position.)

She has been seeing someone to talk about me. But she never delves too deep. That’s because of me, too. I’ve conditioned her to hold back. Don’t reveal too much to anyone. Suffer in silence.

I will be with her forever. I think a small part of her knows that, accepts that. She can’t beat me. I do not give up.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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thephantomq

That voice in your head (in anyone's head) is the literal worst. Hopefully she'll manage to break free of it, and give it less and less to hold on to. :)

kimschlotwrites

I hope so. The voice is a persistent little jerk!

sometimesyourejericho

Haunting. Very nicely done.

Thank you!

adoptedwriter

Interesting perspective in this piece!

the_eternal_overthinker

I am hoping She beats it back and I don't want her to give up. Good use of the prompt. Well done!

Edited Date: 2018-10-08 01:55 pm (UTC)

Thank you! She hasn't given up in awhile, either.

murielle

Oh yeah! That horrible voice that defeats us. I know it all too well.

Well done! You created that voice loud and clear.

rayaso

That kind of voice (who doesn't have it?) just eats away at a person. This was a great perspective, and well written.

bewize

Brutal read, but familiar to probably too many people.

Open up, tell it all, honesty is the only thing that slays this demon.

She'll have to try to let it out!

sonreir

Hello, anxiety, I love you too. :|

This is great.

wolfden

Well done. I recognize this voice.

Thank you. It's a voice far too many people recognize. :-(

megatronix

Ooof. Super relatable. It's interesting and disturbing to read the voice of .. depression/anxiety/doubt? ... expressed in the manner of an abusive partner! Dude. That is powerful. And having anxiety myself, I know what it feels like to be overpowered by that voice that won't quit.

Sometimes I like to imagine that instead of my anxiety being a grizzly bear chasing me, it's something that walks beside me. A grizzy bear cub, on a leash.

I hope that the "she" in this story never quits!! We can be more stubborn than we think, sometimes.

Well done!

Thank you!

I like the idea of anxiety on a leash. Can try to reel it back if needed to.

She's doing her best not to quit.

tatdatcm

This was a little terrifying. That voice never giving up? There's got to be something to make it shut-up. I hope you find your something.

Sleep may be that something.

troof_therry

I like the perspective here because sometimes it really does feel like a presence guiding or piling up difficulties. Nicely done.

moretta

Oh boy. I've got one of those. I hope this voice gets quieter and quieter, until one day she realises she hasn't heard it in a while.

Hopefully she'll get to that day soon!

favoritebean_writes

This makes my heart weep. Brain weasels are the absolute worst. Nicely written!

dmousey

Depression does have a hidey-hole it creeps into so you believe it has gone away. It's always surprising when it bursts from that hole -until you beat it back and suppress it once more.

yeah, I liked this. ✌💕😊

Thank you!

Yes! It lays dormant for awhile, you think you've beaten it, and then it erupts.

halfshellvenus

Argh, the battles we fight with ourselves-- especially the voices of doubt or complacency or fear.

For a while, I thought this might be about depression-- because it can spawn all of those voices on its own. But really, we can do it to ourselves all on our own. Because the more you listen to any one of these voices, the louder they become.

Terrific.

Thank you!

It was originally about depression. But as I was writing, I realized it could be about anxiety, or like you said, something we do to ourselves.